Making Progress

So it has been a couple days! I have been so busy with the festivities of my son Mitchell's birthday! He is 9 tomorrow but we had party Friday and then Sunday which was followed by a Super Bowl party! I survived it all without my scale and I even ate and drank! I must say it was more relaxing to NOT have the scale and keep checking my weight after every drink or morsel of food. I told myself that I need to enjoy myself, to not have to many drinks as that is a trigger for me, and to realize that tomorrow is another day-I am so happy at my progress. Now I know that there are so many people out there that struggle every day with the scale- I mean I still weigh myself at the gym- The scale is a trigger too-It has always told me if I am good enough or not! Stupid huh! I really believe that my life has purpose, maybe not having a job is a sign for better things to come- I am a strong woman who has been so tired and sick of being sick!!!
When I think back to all the years of anorexia (the early years!) then moved to laxatives-Great advice from a so called friend! I wasted years! But you know I am going to be 39 this year and maybe these will be the best years of my life, I mean how can they not be I have come so far-
I have lived by my "bathroom scale for 20 years" and lived on laxatives and dehydrated myself and have come close to death-Death -there is no looking back to that!
I still have little slips--I now know it his anxiety issue and I will addressing that! A slip now means 1 pill-- I used to take up to 40 a day! How did I even have time to get married-have a baby and have a lot of friends! Crazy-It is not a way to live- I am so done being sick, feeling dizzy,and stomach pains-
You know my husband who NEVER gets sick was sick for 2 weeks! I never got sick- I feel really good!
I know that this stems from my youth- I always felt so sad for my mom, she was so sick growing up and I had to hold down the fort as a little girl- She was awesome- so much loves- I cry right now knowing that she would be so proud of me-- When I struggle I picture my mom sitting down with a big smile and pumping her fists up and down like you get em girl!
I want to make a difference-maybe I could win the lottery and go back to school to council others. I would love to just be a support to anyone that struggles with the lifelong disease and give big hugs--Is that a job-Giving hugs and let people cry on my shoulder! That would be the ultimate-
So I continue to write to myself- Ban the Scale dam it!!!!!! If someone who struggles sees this let's pick a day and smash our scales and be free!

Till tomorrow! Making cupcakes for Mitchell's class!